Hey that's not me

Hey that's not me!

With a common name like mine, I am constantly being mistaken for someone else.  Although a nuisance it is also laughable.  Often times costly though!  It is funny to go to the doctor and learn about all the diseases the other guy had before they learn they have the wrong chart!  Or to go the pharmacy and be mistaken,  man they are not prescribing me the right medication sometimes, I want some of what he is getting!

There is the time I was almost arrested for being a 'cop killer,' fortunately I was the 'wrong' color!  Everything else fit closely enough, we even had the same birthday!   Then when I was getting my license renewed down in Texas, and just as I walking out the door, I heard someone call, "Mr. Johnson, I need to see you."  It was a state trooper and he wanted to take me to the back.  Oh brother what did I forget?  The trooper was very polite and kind as I stood against the wall for height measurement, telling me all the time it was what he thought was a mistaken identity.  After getting measured for height, I was invited to sit in the metal chair (with handcuffs on it!) while they checked a couple more things! 

Fortunately, I had the wrong color hair, the wrong height and way too many tattoos from the guy being sought for outstanding warrants!  The trooper apologized and let me go on my way!  What a heart stopper!

Collection companies have 'tracked' me down in a bid to collect money!  When finally I did talk to them, we both learned it was the wrong guy they spent all the time and money on to track down.  I had never lived or went to school in Wisconsin!

Of course all the instances can't end in happy endings!  The last time was also the most dramatic one!

Last year, I found a contract position that I was most interested in and seemed a perfect fit!  Apparently the company did as well since I ended up there for their application process  Everything was looking good and as I sat through a training class for indoctrination 'they' came to get me. Taking me out of the class, they proceeded to tell me, I had failed the background (criminal) investigation.  Thinking to myself, "No Way."  This was the part of the process I dreaded the least.

Of course I wanted to speak someone and find out what the hell was up.  The Personnel Manager was nice and told me, I would be receiving a letter but not much more.  So I returned home and awaited the letter which came a couple of days later.  I had to laugh as I read the letter and the accompanying report.  As I read the report, I had to think a 'thank you' to the Mr. Johnson's that had been screwing up my life for years!  Still I wasn't mad at them, they just happened to have the same name and other stats.  One had the same birthday and the other had an SSN (Social Security Number) that was one digit off from mine.

Oh I was pissed off though, more so at the company and whoever 'reviewed' the report.  How the hell could they miss out that the persons named on the report looked nothing like me!  One was black and the other blond haired and blue eyed!  I was livid!  How the hell could the company miss such important details, especially after they came courting me for the position!

Of course, I went through all the red tape and procedure 'required' to remove the errant entries on my criminal background but it did nothing to help me regain the lost income, nor did it do anything to correct other errant information with other reporting agencies.  Come on why the hell do I have a 'unique' SS Number?  Isn't this supposed to 'protect' me from such bs?