On many Sunday afternoons, I would go to my parents to visit. Almost always was sat at the dining room table socializing - swapping stories, both old and new. Yes, to say the least, I had a good relationship with my parents, after some rather 'rocky' years and unique situations.
This Sunday, there was something different though, it was obvious there was something on their minds. Being close, it did not take long for them to 'get around' to what was on their minds. My relationship with my father has been rocky through the years, due to several different things. Hi wife, my stepmother, was the epitome of a mother, at least to me. Seeing as I had not known my biological mother growing up, my love and adoration of Bobbie was probably greater in many ways.
On this afternoon, something just did not 'feel' right, we were not engage in our normal light hearted manner, cracking stories, reminiscing and 'break' on each other. When my dad spoke up and told me, 'son we have something to tell you,' I knew it was time to put on my 'game face' and be serious. What he had to tell me floored me to say the least.
My [step] mother had been diagnosed with cancer, not just the 'garden variety,' but stage 4B Ovarian Cancer, of which her prognosis was not 'good.' By all accounts the doctors were giving here just months to live, but all the same were going to try a combination of radiation and chemotherapy. Of course a 'million' questions filled my mind, but they were not finished telling me everything just yet. To add to the problem, there was no way my father could 'take off' work to see her to her daily treatments. Immediately and without thought, I told them, 'no problem, I will take a leave of absence or quit my job if necessary.
Now the 'timing' for all this could not come at a more inopportune time, as if any time would be good, or desired! My company was in the midst of a major contract in California, [I lived in Houston at the time] and I was meant to be traveling to California, any day, for an undetermined amount of time to oversee my portion of the contract. None of this mattered at the moment, but more so 'taking care' of family did!
The next morning, full prepare to do whatever need be to allow me the time to help my family through this, I was at my manager's office to explain the situation to him. Now the company I worked for had always been a good company, and most everyone there was family oriented. All the same, I had not expectation of my manager's decision, when he told me essentially, take the time to do what I needed to do, whatever it took. Fortunately my position was such at the time that it was pretty flexible and my cell phone was always with me!
With work 'taken care off' it was time to attend to more urgent and pressing matters, which would take a lot more than work, as I was to find out! Daily trips to the hospital, Monday through Friday, which often took most of the day! Sometimes when it was a chemo day, it would turn into an all night deal! To say the least it was challenging.
Not long after it 'all' started, I put together three loose leaf notebooks with a range of material, covering every bit of information we received from the hospital - information on cancer, treatment schedules, prescriptions with times, side effects and dangers. Each day when I left my parent's home, I went through the 'collection' of medicines, ensuring they were identified with the schedule to be followed for each. During these days, my cell phone was even more a 'part' of me than it ever was for work!
The whole 'ordeal' was touch, from watching the effects of treatment on my mother, combined with the daily trips to the hospital, One of the hardest things though had to be to 'sit' and watch the effect it had on my father. It was bad enough for him to 'sit and watch' helplessly, all of 'this' going on with his wife, the woman he loved so much, even harder though that the task of 'caring' for her was greatly increased by being so 'hands off' during it all.
With my father working 'all the time' and away from my mother, I became her primary care giver and my father either had to refer to the notebooks I had began, or talk to me to find out what was what. One of the most 'depressing' times is when he was off and able to accompany us to the hospital, the doctors did not even know who he was! One night during the 'whole ordeal' my mother had to go to the emergency room, my father taking her. Though he so 'much' wanted to be there with her and be the caretaker, he was 'obligated' to call me to meet them there just so I could 'oversee' everything going on. It was a precarious situation for me, but him especially. At times like this, I was very thankful for the relationship I share with my parents!
Now my mother was known to be a very outspoken and cantankerous person sometimes - quick to speak what was on her mind to whom ever 'needed' to hear it! My father though 'quick' to temper for the most part, was a pretty quiet spoken man and mom's 'outbursts' would often send him 'off to the corner.' It was for this reason my mother told me often she was glad that I was there. First, I am a very patient man and don't let such things bother me, the second, I knew how to 'handle' my mom and with just a look or a word, I could 'put her in her place' and settle her down!
The 'obligatory' trips to the hospital, were often monotonous and time consuming as trips to the doctor, or hospital often can be. Even in her weakened and drug induced state, my mom and I made every trip an 'adventure.' Going into this, one of the things I knew that would be essential and instrumental, was to keep an 'upbeat and lively' outlook. With my mom, that wasn't too difficult. Though her pride wanted to keep her from it, the trip from the parking lot to the doctor's office was a 'long' one. From the very time, despite her protests, I was able to talk her into 'taking a wheelchair' allowing me to 'push her' rather than walking. These little 'journeys' were akin in many ways to riding the shopping cart through the supermarket on a joy ride!
It was after all, as the 'cruise director' to ensure the passengers [patient] had as enjoyable a time as possible! Now it seems to have become my mother's mission in life to marry me off, and the hospital offered a plethora of opportunities for her to 'peddle' me off and indeed she did try at every opportunity she had! And the hospital was 'full' of opportunity, ever doctor's office we visited, the cafeteria, around every corner it seemed!
After only the first week or so of going for the appointments and treatments, mom had her 'targets' picked out for 'me.' Though she was always sure to 'check' with me for my opinion before 'acting out,' a positive opinion was like the green flag a the Daytona 500! That was all she needed.
Now it is funny, the most 'beautiful' of the women she 'picked' out was the head nurse in her primary doctor's office. Indeed she was a beauty! So after getting 'comfortable' enough to talk to her, my mom proceeded to ask her one day if she was married. To which she replied 'yes.' Not to be dissuaded though, my mom proceeded to ask her if she was happily married! Well even though she was in the process of divorcing, nothing ever came of that.
There was however, the 'crazy' one and it is funny, it is her name that I can remember! Surely though it was because she lived on the same street that I had for awhile! There was also the oncologist, a Eastern Indian women, Nothing in either of these cases - though I did talk to Suzanne, a couple of times on the phone. Yes, Suzanne, was the 'crazy' one! Really though, I am sure that I remember her name because we lived on the same street!
Seldom was there a dull moment when we were at the hospital! One day, we were sitting in a waiting room, and sat there for a 'long' time with essentially no one else in the waiting room. As we say there, my mom looked at the floor at the next row of chairs over and noticed something shiny on the floor!' Bound and determined that is was a diamond ring or something, I kept trying to tell her, no it was something else. After carrying on about it for some time and letting it 'get the best of her,' she decided it was time to check it out and find out for herself.
Turns out the object which had been the source of entertainment for some time, an imagined lost and found diamond ring was only a wadded up aluminum gum wrapper!
Oh year, I will finish the story later and tell you about the dove too.....
On this afternoon, something just did not 'feel' right, we were not engage in our normal light hearted manner, cracking stories, reminiscing and 'break' on each other. When my dad spoke up and told me, 'son we have something to tell you,' I knew it was time to put on my 'game face' and be serious. What he had to tell me floored me to say the least.
My [step] mother had been diagnosed with cancer, not just the 'garden variety,' but stage 4B Ovarian Cancer, of which her prognosis was not 'good.' By all accounts the doctors were giving here just months to live, but all the same were going to try a combination of radiation and chemotherapy. Of course a 'million' questions filled my mind, but they were not finished telling me everything just yet. To add to the problem, there was no way my father could 'take off' work to see her to her daily treatments. Immediately and without thought, I told them, 'no problem, I will take a leave of absence or quit my job if necessary.
Now the 'timing' for all this could not come at a more inopportune time, as if any time would be good, or desired! My company was in the midst of a major contract in California, [I lived in Houston at the time] and I was meant to be traveling to California, any day, for an undetermined amount of time to oversee my portion of the contract. None of this mattered at the moment, but more so 'taking care' of family did!
The next morning, full prepare to do whatever need be to allow me the time to help my family through this, I was at my manager's office to explain the situation to him. Now the company I worked for had always been a good company, and most everyone there was family oriented. All the same, I had not expectation of my manager's decision, when he told me essentially, take the time to do what I needed to do, whatever it took. Fortunately my position was such at the time that it was pretty flexible and my cell phone was always with me!
With work 'taken care off' it was time to attend to more urgent and pressing matters, which would take a lot more than work, as I was to find out! Daily trips to the hospital, Monday through Friday, which often took most of the day! Sometimes when it was a chemo day, it would turn into an all night deal! To say the least it was challenging.
Not long after it 'all' started, I put together three loose leaf notebooks with a range of material, covering every bit of information we received from the hospital - information on cancer, treatment schedules, prescriptions with times, side effects and dangers. Each day when I left my parent's home, I went through the 'collection' of medicines, ensuring they were identified with the schedule to be followed for each. During these days, my cell phone was even more a 'part' of me than it ever was for work!
The whole 'ordeal' was touch, from watching the effects of treatment on my mother, combined with the daily trips to the hospital, One of the hardest things though had to be to 'sit' and watch the effect it had on my father. It was bad enough for him to 'sit and watch' helplessly, all of 'this' going on with his wife, the woman he loved so much, even harder though that the task of 'caring' for her was greatly increased by being so 'hands off' during it all.
With my father working 'all the time' and away from my mother, I became her primary care giver and my father either had to refer to the notebooks I had began, or talk to me to find out what was what. One of the most 'depressing' times is when he was off and able to accompany us to the hospital, the doctors did not even know who he was! One night during the 'whole ordeal' my mother had to go to the emergency room, my father taking her. Though he so 'much' wanted to be there with her and be the caretaker, he was 'obligated' to call me to meet them there just so I could 'oversee' everything going on. It was a precarious situation for me, but him especially. At times like this, I was very thankful for the relationship I share with my parents!
Now my mother was known to be a very outspoken and cantankerous person sometimes - quick to speak what was on her mind to whom ever 'needed' to hear it! My father though 'quick' to temper for the most part, was a pretty quiet spoken man and mom's 'outbursts' would often send him 'off to the corner.' It was for this reason my mother told me often she was glad that I was there. First, I am a very patient man and don't let such things bother me, the second, I knew how to 'handle' my mom and with just a look or a word, I could 'put her in her place' and settle her down!
The 'obligatory' trips to the hospital, were often monotonous and time consuming as trips to the doctor, or hospital often can be. Even in her weakened and drug induced state, my mom and I made every trip an 'adventure.' Going into this, one of the things I knew that would be essential and instrumental, was to keep an 'upbeat and lively' outlook. With my mom, that wasn't too difficult. Though her pride wanted to keep her from it, the trip from the parking lot to the doctor's office was a 'long' one. From the very time, despite her protests, I was able to talk her into 'taking a wheelchair' allowing me to 'push her' rather than walking. These little 'journeys' were akin in many ways to riding the shopping cart through the supermarket on a joy ride!
It was after all, as the 'cruise director' to ensure the passengers [patient] had as enjoyable a time as possible! Now it seems to have become my mother's mission in life to marry me off, and the hospital offered a plethora of opportunities for her to 'peddle' me off and indeed she did try at every opportunity she had! And the hospital was 'full' of opportunity, ever doctor's office we visited, the cafeteria, around every corner it seemed!
After only the first week or so of going for the appointments and treatments, mom had her 'targets' picked out for 'me.' Though she was always sure to 'check' with me for my opinion before 'acting out,' a positive opinion was like the green flag a the Daytona 500! That was all she needed.
Now it is funny, the most 'beautiful' of the women she 'picked' out was the head nurse in her primary doctor's office. Indeed she was a beauty! So after getting 'comfortable' enough to talk to her, my mom proceeded to ask her one day if she was married. To which she replied 'yes.' Not to be dissuaded though, my mom proceeded to ask her if she was happily married! Well even though she was in the process of divorcing, nothing ever came of that.
There was however, the 'crazy' one and it is funny, it is her name that I can remember! Surely though it was because she lived on the same street that I had for awhile! There was also the oncologist, a Eastern Indian women, Nothing in either of these cases - though I did talk to Suzanne, a couple of times on the phone. Yes, Suzanne, was the 'crazy' one! Really though, I am sure that I remember her name because we lived on the same street!
Seldom was there a dull moment when we were at the hospital! One day, we were sitting in a waiting room, and sat there for a 'long' time with essentially no one else in the waiting room. As we say there, my mom looked at the floor at the next row of chairs over and noticed something shiny on the floor!' Bound and determined that is was a diamond ring or something, I kept trying to tell her, no it was something else. After carrying on about it for some time and letting it 'get the best of her,' she decided it was time to check it out and find out for herself.
Turns out the object which had been the source of entertainment for some time, an imagined lost and found diamond ring was only a wadded up aluminum gum wrapper!
Oh year, I will finish the story later and tell you about the dove too.....
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